Those that know me, know what an absolute babe Carol is. She’s an excellent mama and deserves the whole world for putting up with me and my sister all these years. We are both hard work, I’m just little more of a delight. I can say that because my sister hardly ever reads these lols, but also because it is true, so…
Then my niece Demi came along with her sassy, stubborn attitude. A mix of the two of us with extra sass for good measure. Poor Carol. That’s even before Ash is scaling the walls, pretending to be Spiderman just as we are about to leave the house in a hurry. Jesus Christ.
Carol goes above and beyond. She’s always put herself last, ensuring we are all sorted first. Her food has gone cold, stolen by the kids and eaten by the dog several times. Yet, she continues to put us all first. She has the burnt things so we don’t have to. She saves the new shower gel for me if she knows I like it. She would give you her last, energy, money, food. I know you’re thinking how the hell did I come from her. I must have been swapped at birth or something because I am an absolute bitch who would rather leave my kids at the fire station than share my chocolate bar with them.
Being an auntie, I’ve had to give a little, but I’m not happy about it and I will make it known to everyone. I have a secret section in the cupboard for my goodies, so the kids don’t steal them. Although, Demi has recently discovered this and is her first stop when snack hunting. The absolute cheek. This is my pack of Watermelon Sour Patch kids now fuck off.
It’s no secret that I don’t want children, but it is even more enforced by the fact you have to share your entire life with them. Are they insane? Who's idea was that? I don’t think so hun. I mean it is 1000% for the best, don't you think?
I don’t want them being all up in my womb, never mind having to share my sleep and snacks with the fuckers. No thank you, move it along. They would definitely be getting the burnt slice of toast, and I wouldn’t even be sorry.
“Oh, you need a drink do ya? Where’s the drink I told you to bring before we left the house?” “Uh huh, well this one is mine, so I don’t know what to tell you. Find a puddle or something, I don’t know do I.”
You mamas and papas out there who are amazing, you deserve all the Bath and Body Works candles and not just the single wick ones my friends. You deserve the three wick bad boys. I’m not going to buy you any, I’m just saying you deserve to have them, how you acquire them is on you. Ask your kids or something, I dunno do I.
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