Theraplease Cure Me

I have said this before and I will say it again, I truly believe everyone should have therapy. Life is bloody hard and we should all take any help we can get.

Okay, yes this is in an ideal world, where we can all afford therapy, the waitlist isn’t two years long, and we can all join hands and be cured in no time. Okay, not the last part, please don’t touch me, but you get my point.

Speaking of a long waitlist, I was put on a waiting list for therapy maybe like a year ago, or almost a year ago, the details are foggy, but my point is, I was told the waiting list for 1-1 therapy was two years long. Two freaking years to be with my thoughts and stupid brain trying to kill me. Oh what fun.

They did let me know the wait could be quicker if they got more funding. The way our government is at the moment it’s probably more likely they will find some other dipshits to go into space than mental health care, or health care of any kind.

I thought well Jesus Christ, buckle in baby, because this is going to be a wild ride.

At the time of writing this post, way before the two year mark I had a phone call, saying I had made it to the top of the list and it was my time to get my crazies out. They didn’t actually say the last part but I would not have been mad if they did. Also, kind of need it on a t-shirt.

Actually, at the time of writing this part of the post my first appointment is tomorrow and I am pooping my pants. What if I suck at therapy, what if I’m just too crazy to be fixed. My therapist will quit, move to Mexico never to be seen or heard from again. They will write papers on me. I’ll be on the news. I’ll have a sign placed outside my door making it known to avoid at all costs. Actually I’d like that last one, leave me the fuck alone, crazy or not.

Anyway, back to the point in question (this is just a little insight into what’s going on in my head hehe), I was so excited. I thought here we go lads, it’s my time to shine. I am going to be cured and all these bitches better watch out, Nikki will be flourishing, baby woo.

Then I had a terrible thought, what if my new blog venture is doomed now that I’m cured and have no mental health issues whatsoever. Then, me and all the voices in my head laughed and we carried on with our day. 

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My first session went well and was a let’s get to know you and what makes you act like a psycho bitch kind of appointment. I mean who wouldn’t want to know the fabulous me.

I adore my therapist bestie, even if she did ask me a million questions and I needed a lie down after it.

Speaking of which, why don’t we get to have a lie down during therapy like in the movies. I’d love that.

Instead I walked in and was met with four chairs, one of which was for my therapist. I asked where I should sit, and she said it was my choice.

Immediately I thought, hang on a minute by here now. Is this some sort of a test. Does the chair I choose reflect my crazy? Will she make a note of which chair I chose. Should I have chosen her chair at the desk to show I am a leader. Ha imagine, that would be hilarious.

My initial though made me realise I was in the right place and I settled in to be quizzed on all my brain has to offer.

As exhausting as it was, I am glad I went. Plus, she told me how great it was that I am so self-aware, so I am basically kicking therapies ass already. Watch out world, I’m coming for ya.

My first official appointment in this week and I’m half looking forward to it, half thinking I might have to call in sick. Can you call in sick to therapy?

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In all seriousness, a two year wait for therapy is absolutely insane, being left to struggle for that length of time is scary.

I am just thinking a horrible thought as I am writing this, that the list probably goes up quicker at some points because some no longer need to be on the list anymore as they are no longer with us. That truly breaks my heart, as it could have been me.

I wasn’t going to post this, and after two blog posts for my new blog, I thought who gives a fuck what I’m writing about. Does anyone really want to know about what’s going on in my brain. But, then I remembered the messages I received after the first two posts. There were only a couple, but they truly meant the world to me, and if I help just one or two people with my posts then it was all worth it.

So, now I have decided to just write and not think about anything else. I’ve given myself a pep talk and I am back to being your bad ass bestie to help in any way I can. Apologies for the moment of self-doubt I am back baby. For now anyway hehe.