Am I doing it right?

It happened. It finally happened. Third therapy appointment in and my brain felt yep, now is the time. Now is the time to ask my therapist if I was doing therapy correctly.

My actual words were, ‘This is a stupid question and I know that, but, is this how therapy sessions are supposed to go? Am I doing therapy right?’

She laughed, I laughed, and then I sat back and waited for an answer. As stupid as I knew the question was, I still wanted to know. Was I doing therapy right, or was I boycotting it and doing therapy like I think it’s supposed to be done in the movies.

Turns out, therapy is whatever I need it to be at that time, so I am pretty much once again smashing therapies ass. I hope I get a medal at the end or some kind of sticker. I will wear it proudly.

From my very first therapy session, my therapist bestie gave me so much to think about. From the get go I was already able to see things differently. Okay, my brain wasn’t and still isn’t ready to listen to that different way of thinking just yet. But, the fact I was open to it was a win in my book.

Not even that I was open to it. More like this was my ticket to feeling better and the train was already leaving the station and I was totally on board toot tooting the horn and everything.  Metaphorically of course. You won’t find me on an actually train.

I had a tough week leading up to this session. I had started new meds for my stomach issues, that were giving me more stomach issues, my anxiety was through the roof, family shit was going on that I did not want to deal with and still don’t, and I had to leave a meet up with a friend before I would have liked because my anxiety was making my whole body scream internally. Oh what fun.

The time finally came where I cried in therapy. Thankfully I wasn’t balling my eyes out and rolling around on the floor screaming, but I’m sure that will come later.

I’m at the point where I love therapy and I am frightened for when it is over, even though we are way off that point. Although if she ever springs the ‘how does that make you feel’ line I am outta there.

I went into this week’s session a ball of mess. Everything hurt, I was on the verge of tears every twenty seconds and I felt so sick. I wanted to run away to an island, alone and never have to deal with anyone or anything ever again.

My therapy bestie said no. Boo! But, gave me other ways to try and cope and that’s what it’s all about isn’t it.

I still want to run away to an island, but I’m yet to find the perfect one, with a great pool. Then there’s the whole what do I pack thing. I mean, everything I’d imagine but who’s going to carry it?

Life will always be tough. The road will always be bumpy, full of potholes, and idiots walking out in front of you. It’s how we deal with it that matters. And no, we can't run those idiots over, can we? Can we? I'll ask my therapist next week...

God, I’m good aint I, minus the trying to run people over lols.

Why do I give these updates? If you’re asking yourself that, this probably isn’t the place for you. I do it so others can see that therapy is okay. Seeking help is okay. Needing someone to tell you that your ridiculous thoughts are normal is okay.

Plus, I want to be open and honest with my mental health journey so others know they are not alone.

I’m not doing this for attention, I hate attention. It’s yucky, gross and uncalled for. I’m doing this to help others. I know how it feels to be in a really dark place and my goal is to help whoever I can so they don’t feel that.

If you think otherwise, be gone! Ta-ta. Toodle ooo. Get fucked!

K, love you bye.

Xx